API Documentation

curl -X POST https://api.poopos.com/v2/synergies/hallucinate \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -H "Content-Type: application/json" \
  -d '{
    "acquirer": "MegaCorp Industries",
    "target": "SmallFish LLC",
    "desired_multiple": 12.5,
    "reality_distortion_level": "maximum",
    "include_buzzwords": true
  }'

{
  "id": "syn_9f8e7d6c5b4a",
  "status": "hallucinated_successfully",
  "projected_synergies": {
    "cost_savings_annual": "$847,000,000",
    "revenue_synergies": "$1,200,000,000",
    "probability_of_realization": "3.2%",
    "probability_shown_to_board": "97%",
    "headcount_reductions_euphemized_as": "organizational streamlining"
  },
  "executive_talking_points": [
    "Transformative combination creating unparalleled value",
    "Complementary capabilities across verticals",
    "Significant runway for cross-selling opportunities"
  ],
  "years_until_everyone_admits_it_failed": 4,
  "integration_complexity": "catastrophic",
  "consultants_required": 247,
  "consulting_fees_as_pct_of_synergies": "112%"
}

curl https://api.poopos.com/v2/buzzwords/trending \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -G \
  -d "industry=saas" \
  -d "limit=5" \
  -d "include_shelf_life=true"

{
  "trending_buzzwords": [
    {
      "rank": 1,
      "term": "AI-native",
      "meaning": "We added a ChatGPT wrapper",
      "usage_count_this_week": 847293,
      "shelf_life_days": 142,
      "bullshit_density": 0.94,
      "linkedin_posts_ruined": 12847
    },
    {
      "rank": 2,
      "term": "Agentic workflows",
      "meaning": "A for-loop with an LLM call inside",
      "usage_count_this_week": 634201,
      "shelf_life_days": 88,
      "bullshit_density": 0.97,
      "linkedin_posts_ruined": 9421
    },
    {
      "rank": 3,
      "term": "Capital efficient growth",
      "meaning": "We ran out of money",
      "usage_count_this_week": 523847,
      "shelf_life_days": 201,
      "bullshit_density": 0.89,
      "linkedin_posts_ruined": 7832
    },
    {
      "rank": 4,
      "term": "Platformification",
      "meaning": "We bolted on three APIs and called it an ecosystem",
      "usage_count_this_week": 412039,
      "shelf_life_days": 67,
      "bullshit_density": 0.91,
      "linkedin_posts_ruined": 5291
    },
    {
      "rank": 5,
      "term": "Responsible scaling",
      "meaning": "Scaling irresponsibly but with a blog post about it",
      "usage_count_this_week": 398412,
      "shelf_life_days": 112,
      "bullshit_density": 0.86,
      "linkedin_posts_ruined": 4103
    }
  ],
  "meta": {
    "industry": "saas",
    "data_freshness": "real-time (unlike your KPIs)",
    "buzzwords_retired_this_quarter": ["Web3", "metaverse", "NFT-enabled"]
  }
}

curl -X POST https://api.poopos.com/v2/ebitda/adjust \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -H "Content-Type: application/json" \
  -d '{
    "actual_ebitda": -4200000,
    "desired_ebitda": 12000000,
    "creativity_level": "big4_approved",
    "auditor_skepticism": "low",
    "fiscal_year": 2025
  }'

{
  "actual_ebitda": -4200000,
  "adjusted_ebitda": 12847329,
  "adjustment_gap": "$17,047,329",
  "gap_explanation": "creativity",
  "addbacks": [
    {
      "category": "One-time restructuring costs",
      "amount": 5200000,
      "times_this_has_been_one_time": 4,
      "auditor_eyebrow_raise_level": "moderate"
    },
    {
      "category": "Stock-based compensation",
      "amount": 3800000,
      "justification": "not real money (according to us)"
    },
    {
      "category": "Strategic investment in future growth",
      "amount": 4100000,
      "formerly_known_as": "operating losses"
    },
    {
      "category": "Non-recurring legal settlements",
      "amount": 2400000,
      "recurring_since": "2019"
    },
    {
      "category": "CEO lifestyle adjustment",
      "amount": 1547329,
      "includes": ["jet fuel", "art collection", "team building in Aspen"]
    }
  ],
  "confidence_that_investors_will_buy_this": "87%",
  "recommended_font_size_for_footnotes": "4pt"
}

curl https://api.poopos.com/v2/meetings/waste-score \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -G \
  -d "attendees=14" \
  -d "duration_minutes=60" \
  -d "has_agenda=false" \
  -d "recurring=true" \
  -d "title=Weekly%20Sync%20to%20Discuss%20Alignment"

{
  "meeting_id": "mtg_waste_7x8y9z",
  "title": "Weekly Sync to Discuss Alignment",
  "waste_index": 94.7,
  "waste_grade": "F-minus-minus",
  "could_have_been_email": true,
  "could_have_been_slack": true,
  "could_have_been_nothing": true,
  "attendee_analysis": {
    "total_attendees": 14,
    "actually_needed": 2,
    "will_be_on_phones": 9,
    "will_say_nothing": 11,
    "will_dominate_conversation": 1,
    "confused_why_theyre_invited": 6
  },
  "financial_impact": {
    "total_salary_cost_per_meeting": "$4,847.00",
    "annual_cost_if_recurring": "$251,992.00",
    "value_produced": "$0.00",
    "roi": "-infinity%"
  },
  "predicted_outcomes": [
    "Schedule a follow-up meeting",
    "Action items assigned to people not present",
    "Someone says 'let's take this offline'",
    "Meeting runs 12 minutes over"
  ],
  "recommendation": "Cancel immediately. Send a 3-sentence Slack message instead."
}

curl -X POST https://api.poopos.com/v2/pivot/execute \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -H "Content-Type: application/json" \
  -d '{
    "current_strategy": "B2C social marketplace for artisanal goods",
    "reason_for_pivot": "zero revenue after 18 months",
    "remaining_runway_months": 4,
    "founder_ego_level": "extremely_fragile",
    "board_patience": "exhausted"
  }'

{
  "pivot_id": "pvt_ohno_4k5l6m",
  "previous_strategy": "B2C social marketplace for artisanal goods",
  "new_strategy": "AI-powered B2B enterprise compliance SaaS",
  "pivot_angle_degrees": 247,
  "connection_to_original_vision": "none whatsoever",
  "narrative": {
    "investor_email_subject": "Exciting Strategic Evolution",
    "spin": "After deep customer discovery, we realized our core competency in artisanal marketplace technology positions us uniquely for the enterprise compliance space.",
    "linkedin_post": "Thrilled to announce our next chapter! What started as a passion for connecting artisans has evolved into a mission to transform enterprise compliance. Same DNA, bigger vision. #pivot #startup #blessed",
    "believability_score": 0.12
  },
  "required_changes": {
    "new_job_titles_needed": ["Chief AI Officer", "VP of Enterprise", "Head of Compliance Innovation"],
    "website_rewrites": "total",
    "employees_who_will_quit": 6,
    "months_until_next_pivot": 7
  },
  "warning": "This is your 4th pivot. Investors are starting to notice."
}

curl https://api.poopos.com/v2/bullshit/detect \
  -H "Authorization: Bearer poop_live_sk_a1b2c3d4e5f6" \
  -G \
  --data-urlencode "text=We are leveraging our best-in-class AI-native platform to drive synergistic value creation across our ecosystem of stakeholders while maintaining disciplined capital allocation and operational excellence in pursuit of our north star metrics."

{
  "analysis_id": "bs_detect_r2d2c3po",
  "input_length_words": 34,
  "meaningful_words": 3,
  "bullshit_density": 0.97,
  "bullshit_grade": "Weapons-Grade",
  "translation": "We are using software to try to make money.",
  "flagged_terms": [
    { "term": "leveraging", "offense": "using a 10-letter word where 'using' works fine" },
    { "term": "best-in-class", "offense": "self-awarded superlative, zero evidence" },
    { "term": "AI-native", "offense": "meaningless modifier, adds nothing" },
    { "term": "synergistic value creation", "offense": "triple buzzword combo, instant red flag" },
    { "term": "ecosystem of stakeholders", "offense": "could just say 'customers'" },
    { "term": "disciplined capital allocation", "offense": "means 'spending money' but fancier" },
    { "term": "operational excellence", "offense": "doing your job but as a corporate value" },
    { "term": "north star metrics", "offense": "regular metrics wearing a costume" }
  ],
  "comparable_texts": {
    "similar_bullshit_density_found_in": "WeWork S-1 filing",
    "recommended_reading": "Literally anything by George Orwell"
  },
  "verdict": "This sentence communicates 6 words of meaning using 34 words. The author is either a CEO, a management consultant, or a LinkedIn influencer. Possibly all three."
}