Ever wondered how VCs arrive at those magical, gravity-defying numbers? Spoiler: it has nothing to do with revenue and everything to do with vibes, buzzwords, and whether the founder owns the right hoodie. Now you can calculate your valuation using the exact same methodology.
Adjust each factor to match your startup's reality. Watch your valuation update in real time -- just like real investors do (except they use a dartboard).
Your Startup Valuation
Reality Check: Your actual revenue is probably in a different zip code from this number.
A deep dive into the rigorous, peer-reviewed science of making numbers up.
The founder says "AI" and "disrupt" within the first thirty seconds. The VC writes a number on a napkin. The number has no mathematical relationship to anything. Everyone proceeds as though it does.
Find a company that vaguely does something similar, ignore every difference in market, execution, team, and timing, then apply their valuation multiple to your startup. If that company was also overvalued, the multiple compounds. Nobody adjusts for this.
Take the Total Addressable Market, assume you'll capture 1% of it, then multiply by a confidence multiplier you made up. Present this on a slide with a hockey stick graph that starts going vertical right around the current quarter. No one questions the hockey stick.
Don't worry. Just add more buzzwords, pivot faster, and maybe throw in a metaverse integration. Or accept reality and let PoopOS manage the decline with style.